Ahh, the marriage chat.

Happy Tuesday, friends :)

Hope your week has started off well - mine is still going well. I am determined not to let my frustration ruin the exciting week ahead. I decided yesterday that I not only want to work towards losing all my weight - but that I want to simultaneously eliminate fear of running from my life. See, I grew up in a fairly active family. Always hitting the gym, suggesting long walks after dinner or big holiday meals. My husband - didn't grow up with this. His family is not active in any shape. That I have seen or witnessed. So - he doesn't really understand or appreciate my intention and effort to want to run a 10K this December. He feels it is stupid and a time waster. Soooo - instead of getting frustrated which I admit - I still kind of am. I wanted to take a moment to appreciate my marriage.

I feel like I have the best of both worlds - ya know? Most of the time my husband & I are a great team. We support each other, we commute together - we're together ALOT. But in moments like these - I really have to turn over a new leaf - kind of like when I was 13 and I looooved Backstreet Boys but everybody & their mother looooved N'Sync & I had to learn to love both. So in this case - I am really trying to not be a total girl and get emotionally frustrated.

What is so wrong about having a bucket list. For my entire life - I've literally hated & I mean, HATED - running. I have a bigger chest than most girls and that kind of is really noticeable when you're running. I feel like yes, a 5K is silly to pay for to run 3 miles but a 10K is really putting the skills to a test - its 6.2 miles of complete determination. I just feel like marriage is a two way street. When I was a little girl - I grew up with dreams and some of them fizzled - but I feel like its important to have your dreams and to work towards them no matter if you think you're stupid. He thinks that me running a 10K is stupid. Well I think some of his hobbies are the same.

Which leads me to my bigger topic - marriage.

Marriage isn't something to play around with. I feel like it's gotten a really bad rap in the last 10 or so years. I am not even pointing at the politics that surrounds this issue. Marriage is not for the weak or for the demanding. The women who portray marriage or whatever relationship they have on shows like Real Housewives or other reality crap - is that they don't have a marriage - they have like a weird agreement that doesn't really portray what marriage is or is supposed to be. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and marriage - but I feel like when people watch Real Housewives with fake women - that you're getting the airbrushed/photoshopped versions. My marriage is not always pretty, as you can tell from my husband telling me that running in a 10K is stupid or that my Pinterest projects aren't worth the $/effort because they usually don't turn out right. But marriage isn't supposed to be pretty. It's not supposed to be the fairy tale that Disney wants us to believe. You have your ups, downs & in between moments that can't be summarized by the 'happily ever after' promise.

There is no such thing has 'happily ever after.' Because that just insinuates that you're both robots or not human. You will be happy and when you're with the best person for yourself - you have opportunities to enjoy life together - whether its going to theme parks, or traveling the world one cruise at a time or raising your own family. But I just can't stress enough that sometimes there will be tension, stress, tears or all three - but at the end of the day - all will be okay.

So while I wish I married the male version of myself - I realize that we just have more compromising to do. I want to run - he doesn't. I loooove Gilmore GIrl marathons, he will never watch more than one without realizing something to do. But it just means - we're in love, and just totally different.

Ps. I've actually been working and accomplishing some of my goals for the month. :) Take care. Join me tomorrow as I link up for Girl Between the Lines...

Not so GLEE ful.

By now, everyone has heard about the tragic death of Cory Monteith a mere 3 days ago.  My reaction, being that of a non celebrity influence, felt like I had been punched in the stomach repeatedly. Let me explain.

This post is about to get real based on the passing of Finn Hudson, aka Cory. Please don't read this as I am some kind of an obsessed fan.  That is not me whatsoever. I am one of the millions of Gleek fans that like most of the world are simply shocked by this news. Cory was one of my absolute favorite characters on Glee and it just feels like since I woke up Sunday morning to find out that he had passed away, that I lost a dear friend. Now since we found out that he had a drug problem, that's not up to me to judge because at the end of the day, he was a human being that just happened to make a fatal mistake.

I think the reason that this passing of Cory has hit me harder than I thought is that when I found out Sunday morning like the rest of the world, I cried. I truly felt like a friend was lost and one of the best. I'm proud to say that I've watched GLEE since the beginning because this show has impacted my life.

Allow me to explain and share a part of my past. When I grew up, even in elementary school, I was bullied. I did not look like the other girls in my class. I was taller, and by the 4th grade I was the only girl that I knew of that developed quite prematurely --- in 4th grade. I have never been a popular girl and I will not lie to you --- I struggled with that for a longer time than anyone would ever want to admit. I didn't have sky high confidence like I told myself I did. That being said. -- Shows like GLEE, Movies like The Princess Diaries were written for girls like me. They gave me motivation, inspiration and encouragement when I needed it most.  People disagree with me when I say this but Taylor Swift's earlier songs were ones I wish I had been able to write and ones that I relate to most because that's what I dealt with and faced alot.

I realize that when GLEE appeared on our TV's in 2009, I was 23. You might be thinking that's kind of older to be struggling with self confidence issues. I will say that I greatly appreciated the stories and the songs that the show has continued to share. The big reason that GLEE and this whole passing of Cory has pulled on my heart strings is that this show roots for the underdog just like that of The Princess Diaries. Characters from both were almost non-existent to the world around them but to that character having an opportunity be thrown to them where they can showcase their talents and finally be recognized for the true rockstars we've known they were this whole time --- THAT is why I appreciate GLEE so much.

Especially in a society where kids are having to grow up so much faster than when I was growing up. Kids these days who are 5 today, feel like with the media pressures from every angle may as well dress, talk, act like they're 18 tomorrow. Shows like GLEE are perfect for every young kid because of the underlying messages that kids need to understand with their own eyes and ears. *DISCLAIMER: Not every scene or relationship on this show is appropriate for all ages of children.*

With all of this said -- take a moment to hug everyone around you a little tighter today. You never know when your moment will come. #carpediem

&& lastly, I will miss you Finn this fall. Thank you for 4 wonderful seasons of GLEE where you taught us all to have faith in ourselves and faith in each other in spite of what makes us different.. #RIPCoryMonteith

Weight loss re-vamped

Hellooooo again!

I'm back after an unexpected hiatus :)

As mentioned on my Facebook, I re-vamped my weight loss journey. I want to be completely candid *to a degree* since this available on the internet but I don't everyone to know my business.

Last April I decided that I wanted to take the reins of my life back and lose weight. Fast forward to May 2013, I've successfully lost 40 lbs.

When I first started, I essentially had a 'Biggest Loser' weight loss journey to begin- to lose essentially a person's weight. I still have quite a bit left to go but now that my knee is not hurting anymore-- I am officially using BodyRock.TV as my workout regimen for the most part.

I've been killing myself, adding stress *therefore gaining a few lbs* by trying to lose weight and haven't really put in the work for it. SO I am starting over, its the start of something new (as a HSM fan, I had to say it!).

I am challenging myself for the next 6 mos to the end of the year to lose the rest of my weight. I know its not going to be easy but here is my story for those who graciously tell me that I don't really have that much to lose. *THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!*

For the past 16 1/2 years, I have been carrying around all this extra weight. When my grandmother passed away from breast cancer, I was devastated as that was the biggest loss in my life. I didn't grieve in a healthy way and so all of my grief and emotions about her loss led me to food, I turned food into comfort and that's not healthy. I gained over the years too much weight and it breaks my heart to see pictures of me because deep down that's not who I am. The outer shell of myself has been weighed down (no pun intended) for all these years and I am tired of it. I want to have children sooner than later but I need to be healthy not only for myself but so that I am giving my future babies the most healthiest mother and most healthiest chance for a good life. 

So for the next three months I am challenging myself to really hold myself accountable of the food I eat, the choices I make to workout and how hard I want to be a healthier, fit version of myself. I've been on this journey for over a year and once I am back on track consistently, I am the happiest version of myself that everyone seems to notice. So, I invite you to stick around and to cheer me on as I lose this weight. I encourage you if you are thinking of shedding some pounds to go for it, it truly makes a difference in a variety of areas: you sleep better, you have more energy, you're not as stressed, you just enjoy life more when you're trying to work hard for something you want. Hard work pays off and I hope you'll stick around.

PART 2
The other news that I didn't share on Facebook & let's be frank, I don't think I want to share anymore on Facebook other than occasional updates because it just feels too crammed in and I don't feel like people respect me on there when I am sharing a huge part of me. So, from here on out- my updates, my check-ins, my pictures of progress will be on here.  Because I enjoy writing, so it makes it easier to transition into my other news.

I have a Kindle, which isn't news. Something that Amazon offers is the opportunity to independently publish with them. As in, ever since I was 16, I've wanted to write and publish my first book.- its been in the top 5 on my Bucket List. So, I am working on and developing my book which its main purpose and goal is to encourage women of all ages. Probably leaning more towards demographically 13-49, but you never know. Even if its not a bestseller in New York, this is my dream to publish my writing and I am really excited for the opportunity. I am still like I said developing my book and just started but as I have updates, I will be posting them here too.

Well, this one is going to enjoy watching more Bones *I'm addicted to this show!* & my workout on before the night ends. Tomorrow is the series finale of The Office, I've watched it since Day 1 so I know tomorrow night, I will be crying... in a good way. :)

Have a blessed night, and thanks in advance for your support and encouragement! :) ~Jessica

30 Things (pt 3)

Happy Sunday! Our plans were to originally spend time with family today but timing changed a bit. Last night I made my mom a cookie cake for her belated birthday party today :) She's not expecting it and I love surprising her this way for lunch!

Maybe two weeks ago, I wrote the original post of 30 Things and today I'll be continuing it with #15-21.

15) Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or when you fell in love: When I met Chris, he was literally weeks away from being done with the Disney College Program and we met on a Christian dating site. He told me that he'd be returning to finish up his last semester at college in KS in a month but that'd didn't matter to me. We got to know each other, talked every day and our first date was at Disney (perks of living in FL & he got in free) park-hopping with a few friends. There was just something about him that I caught early on. He has these amazing blue eyes and a smile that can make your knees buckle right away. But the chemistry we had from early on- I was immensely blessed I found someone this amazing- I had just graduated college 2-3 months prior. The day he left- he met my mom/sister for the first time and just being with him- I wasn't sure if I could handle months away until he came back. I drove him to the airport and when we kissed, it felt like part of me had disappeared. Two months later, I celebrated my birthday & moved half way across the country to be with him. The rest is history.

16) What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

Graduating with my Bachelor's in May '09.

Getting married in June 2011.

Buying our first house in Dec '11.

Paid off our car loan 18 mos early in 2012. 

Graduating with my Master's in April '13.

17) What is thing you wish the most you were great at? Art. I draw stick figures, I try to get inspired when I'm @ JoAnn's or Michaels and look at all the different areas of art but I'm just not blessed to be talented like my sis in law who is an amazing artist.

18) What do you think your spouse loves most about you?

He's told me before & there's a long list but at the top- its a 50/50 thing with my big brown eyes and my smile. There's no clear winner between the two. 

19) How did you feel when you became a parent? This will be answered hopefully Spring 2014. Until then, I have two dogs and that's the closest I am to a parent. When we got our first, Coco- I wanted to make sure that I did everything I could to keep her healthy and safe, but enjoying life (as much as a dog can).

20) Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. The first would be when my grandma passed away when I was 11 from a long battle with breast cancer. She & I were very, very close so her death really impacted me. I remember saying goodbye and   it just hurt for a very, very, very long time. The second was when my sister was born when I was 14. I remember holding her for the first time and just excited to see who she'd become. Update: She's almost a teenager! The third would be: too painful to talk about, sorry. Just know that bullying is real and it does impact people's lives and mentality. 

21) Describe your relationship with your parents. Welp, I know that if It was 10 years ago, I'd be 17 and I'd give a typical answer. Thankfully its 2013, I'm 27 and those past days are very much behind us. My parents and I are very, very close now which I am so so SO thankful and happy for. I enjoy spending time with my family and I know that my best interest is always on their minds. We've come a long way & I know they've always got my back. 

Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend. Now that my knee isn't bothering me, time to work out. I have my first 5k this coming Saturday and I really want to do well :) My LAST MBA class starts Wednesday, praise the Lord!  ~Jessica

30 things (pt 2)

Last week, I gave a post about 30 Things I want my kids to know about me. I meant to add on to that post last week but it just didn't happen so here we go. Trying to be more intentional about getting my blog posts written.

Tonight I'll be answering #8-14.

8) What are 5 passions you have?
First one: Baking/Cooking. My mom taught me when I was 16 how to cook. I started cooking for my family in high school, making a few dinners/wk and I really enjoyed it. Some of the meals went pretty terrible but in the 11 years, I've gained more confidence & talent to please my husband. I love to have dinner parties :)

Second one: Travelling. When my husband & I were still dating, we promised each other we'd have adventures & plenty of them. We've been together for 4 years and we've been to San Antonio (Riverwalk), California (Los Angeles), Kansas City.. etc.

Third one: Children/teaching. My biggest regret is that I didn't stick with education in college. I wanted to be a 2nd grade teacher since I was 8.

Fourth one: Paying off student loans. It sounds funny as no one really enjoys making that loan payment but I am one of those interesting people who do. Each month we each make a payment and it's what our tax refunds are going to for many years.

Fifth one: Blogging. I started blogging through Xanga in high school. I tried in college but I couldn't keep it going. Last year, I started a journey that I am 33% done with. I wanted to have a keepsake of my journey to lose 120 lbs. I want to have a baby but until I lose the remaining 80 lbs this year, a baby is only a future wish.

9) List 10 people who have influenced you & how:
First: My parents. They taught me what love, integrity, responsibility, and what living life to your fullest is (among other values). They love me unconditionally and have been my #1 cheerleaders my whole life. They are my closest friends.

Second: My grandparents (paternal). They taught my dad how to love and be a respectful, respectable, humble individual who has a huge heart. I miss both of them & can't wait to see them in Heaven.

Third (thru ten): My extended family. I grew up with them and made good memories with them. They celebrated the highs and were there for the lows. I had a great childhood and life because of them in it.

10) Describe your most embarrassing moment. I attended a youth retreat of my close friends youth group. Some of the younger ones were in the hall, wreaking havoc and in a lapse moment of poor judgement- I decided to throw ice too. I have a horrible aim so one piece I threw hit the fire alarm just at the right angle to make it go off for the ENTIRE HOTEL. Yep- I evacuated an ENTIRE HOTEL for throwing a piece of ice. Needless to say, I never got invited back from that youth group.

11) Describe 10 pet peeves you have *but I only have 7*

• People talking out of their rear without facts. I sit next to people at work who walk around entitled, cocky and experts at everything. It bugs the snot outta me to hear the negativity all day from someone who has no clue for 9 hours/day.
• Horrible drivers- Where I live people must get their driver's license blindly or with no experience. I pray all the time but especially when I get in the car for work.
• Rude people who like #1 feel they are entitled. 
• My neighbors on the left really like to push my buttons to piss me off. Literally have friends over every day, who like to park us into our driveway and have no decency to be smart individuals to know that's not okay. It literally happens multiple times a week *this is my biggest one!*
• Facebook changing things every day.
• President Obama is a pet peeve with spending so much $$ that isn't his. 

12) Describe a typical day in your life. *This will change once I have kids*

First alarm: 7:39am. Snooze once.

Get ready for work.

Make hubby's coffee, let dogs outside, make our breakfast. Get lunch together. Leave by 8:25.

Drop hubby off at work, then to the office 5 min away.

Package FA/have stand up meetings. Work with team to meet goals/try not to stress, Listen to Pandora.

Take a 45 min lunch ~ PINTEREST!!

Get off @ 6p, pick up hubby & head home. 

Let the dogs outside, make dinner. 

WORKOUT for 1 hour/shower.

RELAX/pour a drink/Netflix.

Hit the hay.

13) What's the hardest part of growing up? 

In my opinion, balance is the hardest part. My husband & I work for the same company but I never see him unless we meet for lunch, occasionally. I don't see my friends alot because we're all busy. I'm on a different journey than most people- grad school full time, losing weight, work full time, so that eliminates temptations for me. I love the weekends liek this one that are lazy & at home with my loves. May not be productive but it was relaxing and good to just unwind/destress. 

14.) Describe 5 strengths/weaknesses.

I put others first before myself.

I'm a positive person.

I sacrifice alot.

My intentions are always good.

I'm always wanting to help or volunteer to help. 

Flip side:

I can be too sarcastic.

I try to be a fixer.

I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I don't always think things through.

I'm too serious at times (mostly at work)

30 things

If you follow me on Pinterest, you know that I love LOVE to pin a smorgasbord of topics from food I want to cook, fashion ideas, baby shower ideas & also for my future kids. Hopefully that last train will start this Christmas (fingers crossed!)

One of the pins I found (on my lunch break at work) was 30 things my kids should now about me.

I just now got a chance to really look at it and for someone who doesn't have kids yet- I think its important to have this info handy so that when we welcome our first, second, etc-- they will know more about us than we are their parents.  Plus its just good info to know overall- who knows maybe a family tradition to start!

Here we go. {I will be completing quite a few for the next week, or two. One day I will print them in a book for my kids.}

1) List 20 random facts about yourself.
a) I was a Miss South Carolina finalist.
b) When I was little, I wanted to start a band named Skittles.
c) My parents told me that had I been a boy, I'd been named Clay.
d) My first blog was on Xanga after high school.
e) I associate with my personality to that of Lorelai Gilmore.
f) If you look closely at my grandma, my mom & my pinkies- they all curve in on both hands.
g) I only let myself have Coldstone once a year (or twice if we feel generous).
h) I dyed my hair blonde on a whim and it took 13 hrs.
i) I have to have music playing all day or I get a migraine.
j) I once evacuated a hotel on a youth retreat.
k) For my 30th birthday, I'm making myself a cake boss cake.
l) I met my husband online (& I'm perfectly content with this).
m) I've coupon-ed since I was 17.
n) When I was younger, I used to put dryer sheets on my pillow to sleep.
o) Every night, I put on baby night time lotion to fall asleep.
p) Every time I watch DC Cupcakes, I brainstorm cakes for friends' birthdays. One day I'll make one.
q)  When I was a girl scout- (thanks to my dad)-- I sold 300 boxes as a Brownie.
r) When I need a good swim, my husband & I take a swim at a Disney hotel ;)
s) I wasn't introduced to my love of queso until Spring 2010 in grad school. ;)
t) After every (major) holiday, my hubby & I stock up decor/holiday items. Kinda cute, eh? :)

2) Describe 3 legitimate fears & how they became fears.
a) Spiders- think its quite clear. They're gross. Just seeing one makes me want to be sick :(
b) Heights- when I get too high up, I get lightheaded and fail I will faint.
c) Broccoli- Every time I've ever eaten it-- I gag. It could be good but I just cant stomach it.

3) Describe your relationship with your spouse.: As I mentioned I met my husband on a non well known website about two months after I graduated college. When we talked, I found my better half & genuine best friend. Every time he looks at me, I feel giddy. He knows me so well-- can easily make any thing better. He gives the best hugs & kisses. We work as a team and we know what our goals are & what we need to do to achieve them. I could easily write a book on this one. Baha he makes me laugh.

Our first cruise. Fall 2012

4) List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could: 
-Don't be mad at mom, she's not the one with an attitude. It's all you.
-Not all things are worth getting upset about.
-Having a boyfriend isn't the key to happiness.
-Eating your feelings is sO not worth it.
-The popular girls won't always be #1.
-Only give people your time and friendship when they are willing to do the same. 
-You are loved no matter what.
-Mom & Dad only have your best interest in my mind, keep them on your side.
-It's okay to be different inside & out. 
-Laugh more!

5) What are the 5 things that would make you the happiest right now?
-If my student loans were mysteriously paid off in full.
-If I could miraculously lose the remaining 85 lbs overnight.
-If my teeth could be as perfect as a models.
-Having more money in my account.
-A much nicer car!

6) If you could have three wishes- what would you wish for? *Better neighbors, fudge, a Jacuzzi in my backyard.

7) What is your dream job & why? There's a 50/50 on this. Wish I'd stuck with education in college so I'd be that second grade teacher I wanted to be. Or to be a counselor/therapist. Basically I want to make a lifetime of difference for others and feel I have genuinely impacted a life for the better. 

There are many more but I'll pick up with the next few tomorrow. 

Friday's Letters

Dear Root beer Floats: I love you, and the magical goodness you bring with you. Not everyone always gets excited for you but why not- its a two in one: ice cream/root beer. Plus if you want to be extra corny like me, you can say you're enjoying the buzz.

Dear Pitch Perfect: Why did it take so long for this movie to dominate my life. Already own it, and I now want to watch it daily. Rebel Wilson practically makes me pee myself each time, and the hopeless romantic in me gets excited for Beka/Jesse sarcasm & how the Breakfast Club is tied in.

Dear Scale: Thank you for rooting my team this week & making me extra happy that I lost 3 pounds this week. Hopefully this is a weekly friendship from now on.

Dear Thin Mints: I love you, and the excitement that I get to enjoy you so soon is making me excited. You literally have the power to fill me with unconditional joy. Probably comes from the 6 boxes I ordered.... from my little sister to help her out.

Dear coworker who sings like a screeching cat: Hi there, its really getting old and just know that it makes me feel like screaming and throwing water balloons your way.. Hearing you sing makes me feel like there are nails on a office wide chalkboard all day; but we both work in an office, not at a church. I'm sorry if this bursts your bubble that I don't love your singing but this ain't American Idol- I'm not paid to lie to you about your "talent."

Dear 28th birthday: I'm really excited for you. I realize you're 8 months away but I can't wait to see all of the effort paying off from working out & making great choices. Plus you brings presents, hopefully my favorite Disney movie on Blu-ray & my Disney Cruise with my husband. Can you please hurry, I am in dire need of a vacation. Like a Pinterest obsessive, lazy day while snuggling with my husband. You bring good times & paid vacay.

Mind overload.

Today wasn't my best day but thankfully I'm feeling better than when I got home from work last night.

I think I am going to start opening up my posts with encouraging scripture (to help keep me positive) & quote of someone whose achieved greatness. I feel like its helpful to share other perspective as no matter how bad my day is or whatever my thought process is--  it's important to be positive.

So, ever since I was in high school, one of my favorite verses in the world has been Proverbs 16:3.

Put God in charge of your work & what you have planned will take place. (The Message)

Sooo.. My mind has been feeling a bit of overload lately. So, I am just gonna unpack my head and talk through it all.

First, my husband feels I am starting to hoard. A few weeks ago, my parents brought some more of my stuff over to our house so that I could go through it and decide if I wanted it. One of those items was one of my favorite items from childhood: my dollhouse that I got as a little girl. When I grew up, I wanted to keep it and give it to my future daughters. This morning, my husband reminded me that most kids want new stuff and won't care about sentimental things. So, now I am torn what to do. Any ideas would be great.

Secondly, I am thankful for my job but its not what I went to college for. I realize that unless your a teacher, doctor, lawyer, etc-- that you could be in this boat too. Everywhere around me people in my life are working at something they are somewhat passionate about. I am passionate about writing but my day job is verifying/packaging financial aid. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful (especially in this economy) to have a job. But I just wish I was in a job that made me feel like I am accomplishing something big. April 2013 is when I graduate with my Master's & I just want to use it to be the best version of myself.

Thirdly, a few years ago, I had an accident at WalMart that involved slipping in a puddle and slamming my head against a door in the frozen food section. I also hurt my knee in the process, and every once in awhile, the pain comes back. This week its back when I am trying to wrap up my January with a big amt of pounds lost.

Fourthly-  Since my husband & I have seriously started talking about trying for our first baby, it just so happens my alternative home, Target is having their baby clearance sale & I'm also keeping Craigslist/garage sales on my mind. This is my first kid & since I've had hypothyroidism my whole life, I am just trying to stay positive and know that my first baby is going to come and change my life. I'm sure this is nervous for a 20 something lady to be nervous but I'm just ready to have a baby but to get pregnant, I have to be the best version of myself & finally lose the weight I've dealt with since I was 11.

On top of these 4 big things on my mind comes the typical thoughts of ... 'boy, my house feels really messy!' 'Boy, I am so ready to be healthy.' I've never been a runner but I am determined to change that. I am tired of telling myself I can't. March 2nd, I am changing that. I am running the Central Florida Children's 5k that my dad so graciously registered me for.

That's not all, I am determined to start training and working up to a 15 minute mile to run with my family at the OUC Half Marathon in Downtown Orlando this December.. :) & then Jan 2014- my first Color Run with my best friends.

So, I felt I wanted to encourage myself knowing that I am not gonna tell myself - I can't run and that I am going to be the best version of myself. I am going to jog/run in 3 runs. & I am going to lose the remaining 85 lbs by my birthday on 10/3.

Hope you all have an incredible week. Any tips or suggestions, feel free to send them my way.

#operationredbikini

So, this morning- I did my first weigh in of the year. I lost 4 pounds this week :)

I'm pretty excited. I absolutely love knowing the weight is starting to come off, I was getting a tad nervous.

Definitely encouraged to keep it going especially because now I need to lose 86 pounds to be done (until I get pregnant). A lot of people have asked why I am aiming towards such a big number.

Let me answer that question as honestly as possible.

#1) I have struggled with weight since I was 11. I had a pretty unhealthy relationship with food in that I used it to hide my feelings or struggles in high school. I didn't have the best experience in high school, was bullied throughout middle school and some of high school. So, now I am changing my outlook on food and how many portions I have.

#2) I've seen the number on the scale & while I don't let it define who I am because its just a number; it does have a say in the sense of what size I am currently wearing AS OPPOSED TO the size I am aiming for-- size 8/9 :)

#3) As much as I would love to take a few months off & be on Biggest Loser-- I don't have the paid time off or the means to live on a ranch with Jillian Michaels. She'd be a bit too much to deal with 24/7.

So there you have it- I'm working my tush off to lose 86 more pounds because I need to be fit & healthy :)

& in other news...

-Usually I'm an overachiever with hw for school but trying to drum up motivation for my final paper wasn't there. However, I had to be at work 2 hours early today so I was able to get 4 pages done. YAY for being a month ahead.

-Tonight my husband & I had an impromptu date night. Nice to talk to him w/ great food & not w/ our two dogs watching/begging for food. Just saying, it was nice to shake things up.

-I met with my host after work today. We talked about the show next Saturday & I'm pretty psyched. I love being a Pampered Chef consultant. :)

Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend! Here's to another great wk towards #operationredbikini :)